2021.12.09 03:48 newdealwithit Christmas tapestry 🎄
|submitted by newdealwithit to weaving [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 03:48 iMISSmyHUMAN it is what it is~ I'm at a loss
This whole ordeal has been exhausting and some days i wake up and hate you with everything I am. The really really bad days start with me missing you those days are the worst because as the hurt progresses through the day, my pain grows with each passing second causing the split. She hates you with a passion and wants to break you down and make you feel my pain. The split is what is making this so much worse because then all i can feel is my hatred for you. Then the horrible cycle begins again, I'm sorry if I hurt you when I split but i promise it doesn't just randomly happen, its a response to the emotional distress you cause with your coldness.
I'm intelligent and I have alot of empathy for what my actions can cause for people that are close to me, which is why i allow people to abuse me and blantly disrespect me. I do have self worth but i also compartmentalize mistakes against me. I do that in hopes that others will show the same respect to me. I dont feel any hope for us anymore, I know everything is just assumptions, hopes, and dreams.
Logically, I understand I should just walk away and never look back. BUT I would never do that to myself when I was struggling and so mentally i cant do that to you. I'm a friend to people that i always wish people would be to me. There has been many times in my life that i have tried to push everyone away and no one would ever fight me on it. I always wished for that one person to look past the yammering and remember that i told them this would happen and that i hoped they would look past what i was saying and remember the person i was deep inside and ignore my requests. I remember you saying the same to me, i remember the tears you shed as you warned me you would do this. I remember telling you that i wouldn't allow you to push me away when you just wanted to fall into that deep dark hole in your soul. I believe one of the exact quotes i said was "O hun, you would have to block me everywhere and then I still know your address. So you better understand just how far I will go to show I'm still there." You said, " Yeah, thats what everyone else said to, they lied."
I'm still standing here, I'm still waiting for you to realize i kept my word. I know that this is aggravating to have someone that won't just get a clue and fuck off. Deep Down I don't truly believe you wish for me to fuck off, see no matter the fucked up situations that have come to pass, I'm still the only one that knows what you really feel inside. Just like you know me no matter how hard i tried to hide. At the end of the day we are still friends, best friends! I'm sorry for any missteps I have made to this point as I'm sure you feel remorse for yours too. I remember one of those nights we just talked forever that ended in tearful apologies and me on your lap hugging you. I warned you that you have no idea what you were getting into with me that i wouldnt allow you to ever push me away, that i might go a little crazy but i wouldn't ever allow you to push me away. You said, "i hope you can be that strong. I really hope so." I can picture where we were and still feel your arms around me and see how i was sitting on you. I wish I could remember the song that you played, but unfortunately i was to caught up in my own head and just trying to remember the moment with you. No matter what has happened and the mess it has turned into i beg you to remember that we opened our souls to eachother and just like you were honest with me, I was honest with you, and even though this is physically and mentally taxing on me I wont allow you to just push me away. You and I both know that if you actually were done being my friend you would speak with me and actually clearly articulate your wishes not just ignore me. I have warned you from the beginning that I don't give up on things that i believe are worth fighting for. You and your friendship are worth fighting for and I would never forgive myself if I allowed you to push me away all half ass and then you reach out years from now asking me why i didn't try. We both told eachother that if either one of us really decided we never wanted to speak to the other person we would not leave it up for debate on what was being decided, we would reach out and clarify our intentions. I know you would never fight this hard for me, not now but for me its not about that. I want to be able to sleep at night knowing that I never gave up, that i tried my best, that I never just walked away like everyone else. I remember telling you that you would have to push me away. I dont think you ever understood how serious I truly was.
Honestly, do i feel embrassed? Hell ya I do! Do i question my decision to continue reaching out? Every second of everyday. Is it painful to wonder if I'm doing more harm than good? Yes I'm unsure if I'm pushing myself off into the deep end or if I'm pushing you so far that you will never forgive me. But I can't help but wonder if you just are pushing me away just so you can just disappear into the void. I would rather do irreparable damage to our friendship by pushing to hard then walking away and allowing you to disappear. Do I feel like I'm making a mistake? Somedays I feel like a fool, somedays i hate you, and then some days I'm afraid for you. It's mentally taxing being unsure if every step i take is in the wrong direction. Some days I can't control the splitting and I'm positive that's some of the reason you continue to ignore me because who wants to deal with crazy. I know I'm overwhelming and my highs and lows are gnarley but you know somewhere deep down I never have done anything with intention to bring you down. I know that it's hard to deal with the splitting but I never said anything to anyone but you. I'm sorry if I have hurt you with my words in the past but please know I don't truly believe any of it but sometimes I can't control my immediate reaction to hurt as i have been hurt. You may not admit to anyone but me but you and I both know you do the exact same and I'm begging you that just as you lash out when you feel backed into a corner, I forgive you and forget it. I'm asking for the same in return please.
I'm truly at a loss and I don't know what to do. So just as I've always told you, if I ever become to overwhelming you need to let me know because I'm different then everyone else. I listen to words and not anything else. I'm telling you if you want me to stop reaching out you need to call me and speak the words to me and I will listen. I need you to get on the phone and speak the words 'I never want to speak to you again, I do not want to be your friend. I never want to see you again'. I promise I will calmy listen and accept it, i will not fight your decision. BUT remember only make that call if you are 1000% positive because I will never allow you back into my life, nor will I ever allow myself to ever even have minimal contact with you. I take this very serious hun so you can sulk and be angry at me all you want but unless you make that call I will still be here waiting for when you suck it up buttercup. I know you dont want to deal with anytthing right now which is why you are going about it like this, so I'm unfortunately left in the dark and I can only do what i wish someone would do for me and thats to just always be there.
So, unless you call me and actually say those words to me, I'm going to continue to show I'm still here because at the end of the day you can block me then unblock me every where but I still know where you live. Lets hope it doesn't get to that point but I think I've shown i would do anything to show you truly are never alone even if you wont pick up the phone. I understand if u hate me instead but please speak those words to me so i can stop
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2021.12.09 03:48 Comfortable-Tour-364 Money vs happiness
The happiest I ever was at work was when I was in a low level analyst role in a big 4 bank (I’m Australian) earning about $72k including super.
After climbing the ranks for a few years my salary more than doubled but I hated every working moment. The colleagues became less team orientated, would openly slander each other, generally toxic behaviours all the time.
My conclusion is that money truely does not buy happiness. More important is the team and personalities you work with. I would love replicate the good times of that old role.
Any thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this?
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2021.12.09 03:48 svanapps Google Goes After Alleged Russian Hackers’ Botnet Scheme | #firefox | #chrome | #microsoftedge | #cybersecurity | #infosecurity | #hacker
|submitted by svanapps to CryptoToFuture [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 03:48 concinnity1410 i feel worthless
i got my last math midterm back today and i genuinely think i’ve never done worse on a test in my entire life. i got a 71 and the median was a 99.
a 99. and i got a 71.
i’ve never, ever, ever done so abysmally on something ever before. i am humiliated. i am so disappointed in myself. and what’s sad is that i genuinely think this is an accurate representation of my abilities in math. the professor doesn’t know how to teach and the only thing i could do was try to teach myself the solutions to previous exams. i tried so hard and studied for days just so i could do well on this exam and a couple of stupid mistakes and misunderstandings on my part knocked me out. i could have aced the damn thing if only i had had a little more help. a little more explanation. but i was set up from the start bc i’m too damn stupid to teach myself bc the prof is a joke.
but everyone else seems to be doing just fine without help. i’m so goddamn stupid when it comes to math.
there’s something so rotten and sad decomposing inside of me right now. like my ego crawled down into my stomach and died and now it’s only a matter of time before my skin caves and i collapse inwards like a house of cards, inwards where there’s nothing, just a big empty gap of self-hatred and worthlessness and LACK. because that’s what i do, i lack so much.
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2021.12.09 03:48 NaughtIdubbbz Hey its me again, I need to get to level 5 on ghost recon breakpoint by 10am 12/8/2021 tomorrow. Anyone got any tips?
You like games?
Look its for a good cause I believe, put the pieces together yourselves on why.
I know you want spoon spoon but I can't rn.
Bought this game for $15, better be worth it.
I want to see what happens. Might be interesting.
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2021.12.09 03:48 marig3lly [HIRING] ✧･ﾟ: * Commissions open! ✧･ﾟ:* Just started recently, so I only have limited works to sell (illustration bellow). Affordable for a $15-dollar budget, depending on the number of people/objects and difficulty of details. ✧･ﾟ: * you will hear more from me! ✧･ﾟ:*
|submitted by marig3lly to HungryArtists [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 03:48 Paullytical Big Sad 1900 - Politics lyric breakdown
"Shout out to the avalons, gangstas and the 80s, 5 Duece, 11 Duece, wayz go crazy BY, marvins, pbg's thats what raised me"
was wondering whats the difference between the gangstas and the 80's? is he referring to all the gangsta sets? Is the 80's referring to 8 Tray? does BY stand for by yourself?
submitted by Paullytical to CaliBanging [link] [comments]
2021.12.09 03:48 Vast-Nectarine-8161 Gnosticism and The Matrix - Lecture by Stephan Hoeller
|submitted by Vast-Nectarine-8161 to ReincarnationTruth [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 03:48 Slut_Puppy12 I just found it interesting that vee liked this post
|submitted by Slut_Puppy12 to TeenMomOGandTeenMom2 [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 03:48 International-Bed-64 Patients gotta go
2021.12.09 03:48 underwaterdungeon Did anybody who worked retail about 10 years ago think unions were bad?
Might be weird, but I ask because I used to work retail around that time, and when I was filling out the paperwork there was like a section for voting either in favor of a union or not in favor, and my supervisor was telling me how unions were a bad thing, so I voted no. Fast forward about 10 years later, and here’s all this discussion about unions, and I’m wondering from a retail employee standpoint is there any downside to a union or was that supervisor just a victim of brainwashing?
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2021.12.09 03:48 signerchik How do I install the launcher and the game separately?
2021.12.09 03:48 Poka1212 Best eGPU for C940
2021.12.09 03:48 Small-Can3519 网络网投网络赌博真人实体赌场
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2021.12.09 03:48 UNKNOWN_NAME710 I was wondering If i can split (16AWG) 6 pin pcie both male cable into a (18 AWG) 6 pin female split into 8(6+2)male or should i get the 6 pin female into 8(6+2) (18 AWG) as well
2021.12.09 03:48 rinkaitt Off campus housing? Housemates?
I'm currently a junior at QC that transferred in from SUNY Binghamton this semester. I live home with my family, but I really don't want to. I've tried to find Facebook groups pertaining to housing or any way to connect with students at QC who want to live off campus but I'm not getting any luck. Can anyone point me in the right direction? There is one Facebook group called housing @ qc but nobody has made a post and it seems dead. Am I missing something? Is anybody else having this issue? And if someone is looking for housemates please point them in my direction bc I am desperate
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2021.12.09 03:48 SnooRevelations9441 If you go onto any Shibiya Kaho videos on porn hub the comment section is all trash taste fans
2021.12.09 03:48 Shekh11 Santa
Amazing and great project with dedicated team leaders, 100% assurance of success. advisable to join the wining team now. #Santa_coin #BSC #Binancechain #BTC #C_z #Shiba #evergrow #cryptomoonshots #busd @cryptosantax #binance #christmas #bitcoin.
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2021.12.09 03:48 CrackHeadPoet I wanna sniff He Man's pubic loincloth.
2021.12.09 03:48 T_T-Bruh The girl from the rcb logo
2021.12.09 03:48 Samang0 Balls
2021.12.09 03:48 Tsuikyit_The_VIP I wish my brain was transplanted into Bart Simpson’s body
2021.12.09 03:48 DzikiPsiak Fighting Demons OFFICIAL COVER ART & TRACK LIST
|submitted by DzikiPsiak to JuiceWRLD [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 03:48 realflowersuae Importance of Exchanging Gifts
| “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow”. No matter whether it is in good times or bad times; sharing gifts has a profound effect in the lives of the people. It becomes a way of sharing happiness and joy at the good moments and also at the same time can be comforting in times of sadness or sickness. Develop the habit of exchanging gifts with your family members, friends and relatives which is a key to long term happiness and maintain the bond. But, before gifting to someone special, there are few things to keep in mind. This article provides a quick guide to understand the importance of exchanging gifts. |
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